Dave and I are headed out tomorrow to San Francisco for an extended weekend. It's been one year since we tied the knot. One year since we committed, in advance, to a lifetime together. Of all the eight years we've been together, this year, in my heart, has been the easiest. Not that it was ever hard to love Dave. No, it's always felt like coming home. And yes, the first couple years, we had bumps, growing pains, as we merged. But then the months smoothed into years and I was yours--turned inside-out by our love--and truly, hasn't it always been easy? But this year, yes, has been the best...
I've always been practical I guess, guarding my heart from disaster. Even as our lives braided around each other, a tight knot of friends and family and love. I still kept myself safe. I didn't even realize it--the epiphany coming like a slow dawn this whole year. But I know now: I let go up there on that beautiful day on that beautiful lake. That day. April 18th, 2009. Something shifted in the heart when I said, "I promise to love you forever and ever." The formality of it--the food, the dance, the dress--that was just a bonus. Mostly, I remember pledging myself to you. To us. I'm all in, baby. I'm all in. A complete fall. That commitment has freed me to feel the most profound connection to you. The effect: like a giant ripple, deepening my love for everything.
Cracks my heart open
and pours out my pores.
This love gathers
I love that you
ignore the boundaries of the body.
Don't come back.
I'm not afraid. to let you.